TECH SUPPORT
A woman called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 
The tech asked her if she was "running it under Windows." The woman 
then responded, "No, my desk is next to the door. But that is a good 
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, 
and his is working fine."

Tech Support: "OK Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the 
same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now 
type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: "I 
don't have a 'P'." Tech Support: "On your keyboard, Bob." Customer: 
"What do you mean?" Tech Support: "'P' on your keyboard, Bob." 
Customer: "I'm not going to do that!"

Overheard in a computer shop: Customer: "I'd like a mouse mat, 
please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety." 
Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?"

I once received a fax with a note on the bottom to fax the document 
back to the sender when I was finished with it, because he needed to 
keep it.

Customer: "Can you copy the Internet for me on this diskette?"

I work for a local ISP. Frequently we receive phone calls that start 
something like this: Customer: "Hi. Is this the Internet?"

Some people pay for their online services with checks made payable to 
"The Internet."

Customer: "So that'll get me connected to the Internet, right?" Tech 
Support: "Yeah." Customer: "And that's the latest version of the Internet, 
right?" Tech Support: "Uhh...uh...uh...yeah."

Tech Support: "All right...now double-click on the File Manager icon." 
Customer: "That's why I hate this Windows-because of the icons-I'm a 
Protestant, and I don't believe in icons." Tech Support: "Well, that's 
just an industry term sir. I don't believe it was meant to-" Customer: 
"I don't care about any 'Industry Terms'. I don't believe in icons." 
Tech Support: "Well...why don't you click on the 'little picture' of a file 
cabinet...is 'little picture' OK?" Customer: [click]

Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: 
"Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit 
Control-Alt-Delete to reboot." Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it 
crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game. That's 
what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." 
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] 
"Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"